You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

A fool and his money can throw a great party.

When blondes have more fun, do they know they do?

Learn from the mistake of your parents and use birth control.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

We're born naked, wet and hungry, then things get worse.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.